be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
