Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
only you would photoshop your dick
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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