That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
