So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
