I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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