he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
