everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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