Me too!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
