So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
