We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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