Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
