my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
