No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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