Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
