News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
