do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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