Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
