your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
