so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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