So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
