Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
