I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
