You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
