Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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