it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
