he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Of course I have a pirate flag
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
