i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
