Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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