Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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