Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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