honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
