it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
