That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
