I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
