I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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