i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
