Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
