what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Enjoy the penises
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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