i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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