not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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