She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
