so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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