i permit you to call me
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
