I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
