I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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