Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
