I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
