rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
