Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
