took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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