remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
