i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
