Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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